As the rarest MBTI personality type, common INFJ problems are often very unique to their personality type. Perhaps even more so than other types.
As an INFJ myself, I know many of these problems very well. In fact, I found it incredibly eye-opening and validating to find that it was actually pretty common for my personality to struggle with the things I struggle with.
So I thought today we’d take a look at four of the most common INFJ problems and break down some tactics to deal with these issues.
Phone calls
Man, phone calls are the worst. This can be an issue for a lot of introverts, but it seems to be a particular difficulty for INFJs.
Personally, I don’t mind being on the phone to catch up with a friend or someone I know. In that situation, I can often be on the phone for hours without thinking twice.
Yet, every time I have to call someone I don’t know–whether it be to make an appointment, track down an order, or something similar–my heart starts pounding at the mere thought.
And from what I’ve read from other INFJs, I know I’m not alone in this.
My personal theory on why we’re affected in this situation is because there’s a lot that INFJs process about a person subconsciously.
Our minds and intuition then take that information to help us decide if the person we’re dealing with seems safe/trustworthy/reliable/etc or not.
But we need to be in the same physical space as someone to work that out.
When we’re on the phone with a friend or someone we know, we already have this information, so we can be comfortable.
When we’re on the phone with someone new, we don’t have this information and we have no way of getting it, which may make the call feel destabilizing.
How to deal
If you have the option to go in person, go. Especially if it’s for something important where you feel you would benefit from a complete picture.
If that’s not an option or if that’s too much effort for the task, pick a day to make the call when you’re feeling good–i.e. rested, healthy, and otherwise relaxed.
Personally, I found my ability to make these calls has proven to be a good barometer for how I’m feeling overall.
If I’m in a relatively good place, I can make the calls with some low-grade anxiety. If I’m not, the task seems a lot larger. So if you’re not in the best place, cut yourself a break if you can and call on a different day.
(I also think you’ll find a lot of common INFJ problems can be helped by simply checking in with yourself.)
Additionally, try to block out plenty of time so you don’t feel rushed. It might be best to try first thing in the morning so the task isn’t hanging over you all day. (I’ve found this can add to my stress level.)
For more introverted phone call tips, check out this post!
Wanting to pass on an invite, but feeling guilty
As INFJs we need a lot of alone time.
Introverts need alone time in general in order to gain energy, but INFJs seem to need a little extra.
On top of being introverts, we’re often hyper-aware of our surroundings and of others. Our brains pick up on a lot of subtle cues and make a crap ton of connections that we’re often not even consciously aware of.
This is something that can make being INFJ feel a little like a super power, but it can also be exhausting.
As a result, there are times when we might not have the energy to accept an invite.
But we also tend to hate letting people down–especially people we care about. Plus, we don’t want to hurt the person inviting us by rejecting them.
This can make it hard for INFJs to give themselves what they need and protect their space without feeling guilty for doing so.
How to deal
Learning I was an INFJ helped me deal with this issue in a MASSIVE way.
Before that discovery, I would often feel guilty for passing on a friend’s invite just because I wasn’t feeling it. And the fact that I was guilty made it a lot harder to relax and enjoy the alone time I’d created for myself.
Alternatively, I would sometimes drag myself to these events because I thought they were things I was “supposed” to want to do, only be be miserable.
Once I learned I was an INFJ and this much alone time was actually essential to my health and happiness, it became a lot easier to unapologetically pass on events.
Because it wasn’t just that I didn’t want to go, I was actually taking care of myself by saying no. I don’t want any of my friends to ever feel guilty for taking care of themselves, and I know they don’t want that for me either.
If you need some help saying no, check out this post.
Being overstimulated
Most INFJs are also Highly Sensitive People, which has its own components, but one of them means that our nervous systems are naturally more sensitive to sensory stimulation.
This means crowds, bright lights, loud sounds, and strong smells can are even more claustrophobic, bright, loud, and fragrant compared the what average person experiences.
As a result, this makes it a lot easier for fairly common events and situations to overstimulate and overwhelm.
For more on the difference between anxiety and overstimulation, check out this post.
How to deal
Learn your limits and the signs of overstimulation, then learn how to manage them.
If you read the post on the difference between anxiety and overstimulation, you know that for me, the two feel similar, but the overstimulation is often a gradual build after prolonged exposure.
So for me, I know I’ve felt a building of stress or anxiety, but there’s no real or typical reason for me to be stressed or anxious, I should check for ways I maybe over-stimulated and try to remove myself from them.
It may feel different for you, so take the time to understand your cues.
Additionally, if you know you can handle being in a crowded environment for a few hours at a time, but not a whole day, then you shouldn’t agree to go to a big day trip to an amusement park.
Instead, consider getting the amusement park early, taking a break in the middle of the day (either by taking a drive to a park, a hotel room, or another less-stimulating environment). Then go back for a few more hours later in the day.
Your limits and solutions are going to be unique to you, but know that your overstimulation is real, and it’s something most of the population doesn’t necessarily experience or consider.
Combating your perfectionist tendencies
One of the absolute most common INFJ problems is perfectionism.
INFJs are known perfectionists.
I think many of us struggle with this on a regular basis. As INFJs we often try to be perfect all the time in all areas of our lives.
But ultimately, this can lead to some really unhealthy behavior. It can also put you in a position where you’re chasing some unattainable goal and constantly being hard on yourself or feeling like a failure for falling short.
Fighting perfection can be a real struggle for INFJs. It’s inherent to our personality to be in a constant state of growth and improvement in all areas.
But it is possible let go of some of these tendencies, and it can actually feel pretty amazing.
How to deal
For me, two big things have helped.
First
The first is giving yourself permission to not be perfect and see what happens. Often times, you’ll find that the imperfections don’t really change the end result all that much.
And once you can see how little the average person is bothered by imperfection, you’ll likely also find you enjoy not stressing over it, which makes it a little easier to continue to let perfection go.
For myself, part of it is my impulse to proof everything I write, like, twenty times. I know I type fast. I sometimes miss words or letters. Or I sometimes lose my train of thought and end up repeating words or letters, and more.
But the stress and time that would go into trying to have a perfect blog post just isn’t worth it. I proof each post once or twice and let it go.
Beyond that, if there’s any typo or issue that makes it hard to understand a point, people ask in the comments. And I’ve found people don’t seem to mind all that much that these posts aren’t perfect, they’re just grateful they exist. (Which I truly appreciate.)
If you find that imperfections in one area did make a difference, then you’ll know that’s an area that’s worthy of your time and attention. You’ll likely find other areas that aren’t as important that you can let go of.
Second
If you can’t let go of perfection completely, try to change in your mind what it means to be perfect.
It’s impossible to have true perfection in every aspect of your life at all times. Attempting to do so will surely lead to burn out.
So instead of striving for that, change what “perfect” means, and keep the definition evolving.
Maybe one day it means meeting your deadline even if your work could be better. Another day it might mean catching more mistakes even if it means you’ll need more time.
Or one day it might mean letting go of your work and really crushing it as a parent/friend/spouse/family member/etc.
Ideally, it would be good if you can work to get away from perfection altogether. But if nothing else, this can help you take a step in that direction without completely fighting that deep impulse.
Looking for more in-depth tips on how to manage your introverted life?
If you want to dig a little deeper, check out the Introvert Life Guide!
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips and tricks to help you manage the five biggest areas of your introvert life.
While it wasn’t written just for INFJs, it should also help you navigate plenty of additional common INFJ problems.
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!
Sound off: Which of these common INFJ problems have you experienced? How have you navigated them? Tell us about it in the comments!