Welcome to the Ninth post of the Introvert Life Series! For the next two posts, we’re going to focus on your friends and social life.
(If you missed the previous posts in this series, you can catch up here.)
Today, we’re going to look at why it’s a good idea to talk more about how to share your introvert side with your friends–especially your extroverted friends.
If you’ve ever felt like you were letting a friend down when you opted to stay home instead of meet up with them, or if you’ve ever forced yourself to socialize for someone else’s sake, you know how taxing it can be on you.
A large reason why you may have these feelings is that society as a whole still doesn’t fully understand what it means to be an introvert.
Socializing has often been deemed as a normal expectation in our day-to-day life. One way to combat these feelings and expectations is by talking more about what it means to be an introvert.
This can be beneficial for your extroverted friends, but also for your introverted friends who may not have realized they’re introverts yet.
Let’s take a look at why talking about your introvert side is important and how you can approach the subject.
Why it’s important
It gives your friends a better understanding of you
If your friend is as interested in being a good friend to you as you are to them, they’ll want to know and understand you better.
Talking about your introvert side will give your friend better insights into who you are, which, in turn, will make you better friends. Your friend will be better equipped to plan outings and make suggestions for activities that you’ll both enjoy.
It can also prevent them from taking your introverted tendencies personally–especially when you’re dealing with an extrovert.
Extroverts get their energy from being around others. They’re typically more inclined to isolate themselves when something’s wrong or only want to be away from a particular person if they’re angry with them.
As a result, they may think your inclination to be alone means something is wrong with you or you’re upset with them.
Explaining that this is simply a need of yours can help create a solid foundation of understanding in your friendship.
It helps them adjust their expectations of you
Once your friends better understand how you operate, they’ll also have better expectations of when you will and won’t be up for socializing.
For instance, I make it pretty well known that last-minute invites don’t usually work for me.
If I wake up one day with plans for a free night in, only to get a text from a friend at 4PM asking if I want to go out, the answer is almost always going to be no.
I need to mentally prepare and charge up for a social activity if I’m going to enjoy it–even if it’s with people I really like.
I have extroverted friends who send me these types of texts, but because they know me and how I work, they often don’t actually expect me to show up. They’re texting me to include me, which I appreciate, but they aren’t hurt when I say I can’t make it.
This is largely because I’ve told them they shouldn’t expect me for these types of events in the first place.
It helps them help you
This understanding gives your friends a better insight into your unique needs and how they can be a better friend to you.
For example, if your friends know you hate surprise parties because you need to be prepared for that kind of social activity, they can come to your rescue if a well-meaning family member plans one for you. They can either tell you it’s happening so you can be prepared, or they can do what they can to stop it.
How to do it
Bring up what you like and don’t like
Introversion is often equated with “shy,” “weird,” or something to “fix.” Because of this, it may make more sense to avoid using the term at first if you’re talking with someone you know has misconceptions about what being an introvert really means.
Instead, simply talk about what you need, like, and don’t like.
If bars and concerts aren’t your thing because they’re too loud and crowded, mention that. If you look forward to being alone and binge-watching a show, mention it. Talk about how parties exhaust you after a couple of hours, or how you need time to recover after a big event.
This is how I talked about being an introvert before I understood what the term meant. It got me far!
Take advantage of a window in conversation
Not everyone is totally in the dark about introverts these days. This means it may be as simple as cluing a friend into the fact that you are, in fact, an introvert.
An easy way to do this is to slip it into a conversation when you have an opening.
For instance, if a friend is lamenting their completely free weekend, use this as a chance to loop them in on your introversion. It can be as simple as saying, “I’m sorry for you, because I know you like to have plans, but as an introvert, that sounds like heaven.”
This may start a conversation about introversion, which will serve your purpose, or this could be enough of an indicator in and of itself.
Share your introvert interest and research
The fact that you’re reading a post like this suggests you’ve probably done (or are interested in doing) a deep dive into what it means to be an introvert.
This research has likely left you with a wealth of information and a new understanding of your introvert side.
If you’re like me, you likely talk with friends regularly about the things you’re interested in. If introversion has become one of those things, share that with your friend! And if you don’t usually have those types of conversations, maybe this is a time to start.
This is a good way to convey to your friends what introversion is and what your needs are without having to wait for a situation to arise.
Looking for more tips on how to manage your introverted life?
If you’re liking this series and are looking for more, check out the Introvert Life Guide, which gives you an even more in-depth look at each of the areas we cover in these emails.
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips, tricks, and ideas to help you create an introvert life that’s uniquely yours!
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!
Sound off: How do share your introvert side with your friends? Tell us about it in the comments!
Good friends reciprocate on the listening end and don’t take their introverted friends strictly for emotional support dumpsters. We introverts want to be heard and understood just as much as anyone, and hearing crickets after a rant doesn’t sit well with us.