Since the world isn’t made with introvert and INFJ needs in mind, sometimes, we have to make some changes of what’s “commonly expected” to live happy and productive lives.
Recently, I did a post on 7 INFJ Tips to Help You Be Your Best Self.
One of the tips in that post was to deviate from societal expectations as you need to. Ultimately, how you deviate is entirely your call, so I didn’t get into specifics in that post.
But I offered to share my own deviations in a future post if there was interest. It turns out there was interest!
I think I made most of these changes to meet my more specific INFJ needs, but I also think plenty of these changes will interest all introverts.
Here are 8 changes I’ve made to make my life more introvert and INFJ friendly.
I found a way to work for myself
I found working in the “real world” to be exhausting and stifling. This may not be true for every introvert or INFJ, but it was true for me.
I knew I was never cut out for a traditional 9-5 type job. I don’t like being tied to some else’s schedule or stuck doing a mundane task.
And I found the morning-to-evening schedule to be way too draining.
Blogging lets me write (which I love), help people (which I also love), and work in complete solitude while answering to no one.
This checks a lot of introvert/INFJ boxes.
Sure, I’m giving up a route that’s traditionally seen as more “stable,” but I’m infinitely more happy doing my own thing.
Ultimately, what your ideal work and work environment are will be up to you. But if you’re an INFJ or an introvert, there’s a good chance what truly makes you happy, will be different from what you’re told you “should” do.
If this resonates, don’t be afraid to take a hard look at what you like and don’t like about your job and see if you can find a job (or build a life) around what you like.
I take time to prepare when I know I’ll be overstimulated
A lot of people can waltz into new environments and be perfectly comfortable. But I absolutely cannot.
Like many INFJs, I’m also a highly sensitive person. While this has its advantages, new environments and situations can be very overstimulating for me, which often leaves me overwhelmed and frazzled.
If I’m going someplace new or plan to have a new experience, I try to do a little research ahead of time or ask some questions so I know what to expect.
If possible/if the situation may is particularly overwhelming, I may visit the place ahead of time.
And I make sure I give myself recovery time after an overwhelming event. (Even if the overwhelm was unexpected and I have to cancel on someone.)
I say no without guilt
I don’t know about you, but growing up, I found myself very much conditioned/pressured to say “yes” if at all possible.
This included activities I didn’t particularly want to do but felt obligated to agree to.
In large part, this is because I don’t want to hurt or let down the person asking for a favor or inviting me someplace. And it turns out this is a pretty common thing.
The reality is, as an introvert, I need a fair amount of alone time to continue to be a healthy, functioning human. This is what it means to take care of myself, and that’s something I’ll never feel guilty about.
It can take some getting used to, but saying “no” has been once of the most empowering life tools I’ve acquired.
If you want some tips on saying no, check out this post.
I modify events when I can/need to
However, I think we can all agree that there are some events we can’t say no to if we hope to maintain certain relationships.
Weddings matter, graduations matter, big life events matter.
These types of events also typically include a lot of people, small talk, loud music, bright lights, and all for an extended period of time.
This is the recipe for INFJ hell and an introvert hangover.
For a lot of INFJs and introverts, myself included, these events create a battle between wanting to celebrate an important person in our lives, but absolutely hating the way society has decided we celebrate these events.
I’ve learned that it’s absolutely okay to make modifications.
As in, you can show up late, leave early, or take a walk in the middle of the event–whichever makes the most sense.
Generally speaking, the bigger the event, the less time you’ll get with the person you’re celebrating.
This means it’s possible to can show up, be supportive and seen, and quietly duck out when you’ve had enough, without repercussions.
I opt out of events and customs I truly can’t tolerate
With that said, there are some “traditional” events that I really really hate and will absolutely decline. Honestly, I’m certain my absence is a kindness because I will not be able to hide how miserable I am.
My biggest one is showers (baby, bridal, any kind of shower). I am happy to send a gift, but I cannot suffer through a party of that nature.
If the person is a close friend, I’ll take them out to lunch, dinner, or another activity we’ll both enjoy and give them their gift then.
I believe in celebrating and supporting the people who matter to me, but I refuse to be truly miserable at an event that’s supposed to be fun–even just for an afternoon.
And if the tables were turned, I wouldn’t want that for my friends or family either.
Just because someone at some point in time decided this is how things are done, doesn’t mean we have to play along.
I consider alone time “plans”
Like most INFJs and introverts, I love alone time. I look forward to it. I crave it. And I always plan how I’m going to spend it. It’s truly among my very favorite things.
I can’t tell you many times in the past I willingly gave up that alone time because some asked and I was “free.”
You see, I used to see my alone time as free time. In my mind, any time I didn’t have to be somewhere/no one was expecting me, was free.
Then I realized this doesn’t have to be the case.
Now I believe that plans I make with myself are just as valid as plans I make with others.
Seeing my alone time as “plans” has helped me protect this time better, say no easier, and get enough time to recharge.
It’s made me happier and healthier, and is honestly one of the most important life changes I’ve made.
I let myself be alone
Related to the above point, most INFJs are very comfortable being alone. We genuinely like it. And yes, I absolutely fit this category.
As a result, my interest in dating is pretty minimal.
Like most INFJs, I’m only interested in dating someone after I get to know them, have a connection with them, and can see it turning into something long-term.
I’ll absolutely make my partner a priority, but I’ve got to enjoy being around them at least as much as I enjoy being alone. (And they have to be cool with me still needing time to myself).
Until that happens, I’m perfectly content to be blissfully alone–regardless of how many opinions, side-eyes, and judgments I field because dating isn’t a priority for me.
I use email at every possible opportunity
Many INFJs and introverts are phone adverse, and I am no exception. (For some tips on using the phone when you absolutely have to, check out this post.)
The good news is it’s 2020 and you can email about almost anything these days!
I always, always, always look for an email option.
And I know this is basically introvert 101, but I think there are a lot of things you can do via email that are constantly overlooked.
For instance, did you know you can buy a car over email and get an incredible deal?
You can read all about it here! (One note that was added via social media is if you want to test drive the car first, go to a third dealership you aren’t planning to buy from.)
I haven’t had the chance to try this yet, but the writer, Nicole Cliffe, regularly retweets people who have had success with this and there are many.
I look forward to trying my hand at it in the future.
So, if you find yourself faced with a phone call, check for an email option, even if it doesn’t seem like there should be one.
Looking for more in-depth tips on how to manage your introverted life?
If you want to dig a little deeper, check out the Introvert Life Guide!
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips and tricks to help you manage the five biggest areas of your introvert life.
While it wasn’t written just for INFJs, it should also help you navigate plenty of additional common INFJ problems.
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!
Sound off: How have you modified your life to be more introvert/INFJ friendly? Tell us about it in the comments!
Thank you! Fellow INFJ here! Very helpful tips.