Because the world is dominated by extroverts, it’s easy to assume that all people can work and operate under similar conditions.
As introverts, we know that’s not the case. We need time to recharge in between social and high-stimulation activities.
Sometimes, we need to avoid certain situations all together.
In a world designed for extroverts, advocating for yourself as introvert can be hard. But it’s not impossible.
Here are five tips to help you assess a situation, figure out what you need, and politely express those needs to others!
1) Prioritize
This first tip is about balancing your life in general.
Like we talked about in this Introvert 101 post, a key aspect of being an introvert is that you get your energy from solitude and lose energy when you spend time with others.
This means you don’t have an unlimited amount of energy to give the world. It also means if you are going to expel some of your energy, you’ll need to make sure you find enough time to recharge after.
Because of that, you need to like at all of the things that take some of your energy and prioritize them.
Since your energy is limited, you can’t be everything for everyone all the time.
A happy introvert life is about trade-offs. If you try to make everyone happy all of the time, you’ll find yourself running on fumes 24/7.
This means to be a happy, balanced introvert, you will likely have to say no to people.
A polite way to turn down an event you don’t have the energy for is something like: “Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it, but please let me know if you do something like this in the future and I’ll make it a priority.” Then make sure that person goes to the top of your list next time around.
Prioritizing the events in your life, and letting people know if they aren’t the priority now, they will be later, can go a long way in helping you take care of yourself while upsetting loved ones as little as possible.
If you’re looking for more tips on balancing your social life, check out the social tracking system that changed my introverted life!
2) Be polite but clear about what you can and cannot do
Like we said, you can’t do everything for everyone all time.
However, you might find yourself in a situation where you are presented with a big, draining, activity that’s important to attend. Or you may find an instance where a group of people you want to spend time with are doing something you know will suck you dry.
In situations like this, it’s best to identify what you can and can’t do, and articulate that.
For example, let’s say you’re going to a cousin’s wedding. As much as you may enjoy the event, weddings can be a lot! There’s lots of people, and loud music, and hours of potential small talk. But there’s nothing that says you have to stay the whole time.
When you realize you’re maxed out, let someone know you’re leaving and head out. It doesn’t matter if the cake hasn’t been cut yet (unless, of course, you want the cake).
When you’ve given all you can, you should leave. If your family values you, they should understand that you need to take care of yourself.
(And if they don’t value you, then it doesn’t really matter what they think, so go ahead and peace on out.)
Similarly, you may find a group of friends are looking to get together. If you realize your friends have picked an activity that will drain you (like, say, bar hopping), it’s okay to say “Hey, I’m excited to see you guys, but can we do this other thing instead? Bar hopping’s not really my thing.”
If you have good friends, they won’t mind! They can go bar hopping without you another time. And if they do mind, maybe get different friends.
Your goal in life should not be to fit into an extroverted world. It should be to create your world in a way that you can feel happy and balanced.
This means giving your energy to the places it needs go, and the remainder to the places you want it to go.
And it means doing what ever you can to keep the tank from emptying completely.
3) Be polite but clear about your availability
Recharge time is essential for introverts. We need it to fully function.
This means you are completely justified to create and protect ask much recharge time as you need.
When it comes time to scheduling events, don’t schedule anything during time you’ve blocked out for yourself.
If someone tries to take your recharge time from you, a polite, but firm, “I’m not available then,” should do the trick.
If someone presses you for more information, the most you need to say is, “I have plans.”
Which you do. Your plans are to recharge.
And maybe reevaluate how much time you spend with anyone who pushes harder or doesn’t respect your firm, but polite responses.
Additionally, it’s okay to say no to your boss when they have an off-the-clock request.
For example, if your boss asks you to take a project home over the weekend (and it’s extra work—as in, you’re not scheduled to be working that weekend), it’s okay to say, “I’m happy to do that task first thing on Monday, but I’m not available this weekend.”
The same can be said if you’re being asked to work unscheduled overtime.
Your boss owns your planned work time, not your personal time, and there is nothing wrong with protecting that boundary.
4) Know what you need to function and what you can be flexible on
Every introvert has different energy needs. Take the time to learn what your limits are, how much down time you need to function, and how flexible you can be at the varying points of your energy cycle.
If your energy reservoir is depleted, insist on the down time you need to recharge. Use the phrases in the post to help you.
This is not being selfish. This is taking care of yourself.
But of course, sometimes we all have to suck it up for one reason or another, and be a little more flexible than we generally would want. Once in a lifetime events and celebrations happen, and you may have to rally when you need to recharge.
The point of all this is that “sucking it up” shouldn’t be a way of life. It should be an exception.
5) Be impolite but firm if you can/have to be
However, you shouldn’t have to rally for an event that you either don’t care that much about or will have the opportunity to do again in the future.
It would be very uncool for someone to put pressure on you to make an exceptions for a lesser event.
Let’s be honest, some people are assholes. There are people out there who will not respect your needs and requests.
In those instances, it’s okay to be impolite (or even rude) if you have to be.
The things you’re asking for may seem like luxuries, but it’s important to remember that they’re not.
They are what you need to function your best.
And when you function your best, everything you do will be better, and everyone you encounter will have a more pleasant experience with you.
Looking for more in-depth tips on how to advocate for your introvert life?
If you want to dig a little deeper into this topic, check out the Introvert Life Guide!
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips and tricks to help you better advocate for your introverted self.
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
Sound off: How do you advocate for yourself as in introvert? How have you struggled to advocate for yourself? Have you learned any tips or tricks to make it easier? Tell us about it below!