happy girl

There’s a lot in this would that’s outside of our control, and there are some elements to our own happiness that can’t control either—no matter how much we wish that wasn’t the case.

But luckily, there are some some actions and perspectives we can adopt to be happier. 

No one has the secret to happiness, but I’ve found I am a marginally happier person when I put the following six tips into use. 

1) Find the Positives

How you perceive the world will shape your outlook on life. You can find the bad and good in any situation. 

For example, imagine you’re getting ready to leave for work. You go to grab your lunch out of the fridge and when you do, your lunch bag latches on to a jar of pickles, knocking them to the ground.

The jar shatters and you have a mess of glass and pickle juice that you now have to clean up. (If this situation doesn’t completely apply to you, imagine for a moment it does.) 

Yes, there are a lot of bad things happening here. You have a mess on your hands, and you will likely be late to work. 

But there’s a positive side too. The jar, thankfully, didn’t land on you. You didn’t get cut, you don’t need stitches, and all you lost was a jar of pickles. 

This situation could have been worse, but it wasn’t. In fact, one could make the argument that you were actually incredibly lucky.

This method can be used in any bad situation. That doesn’t mean that you should pretend bad things don’t happen, it just means you should try to give your time and energy to the positives. 

In every bad situation, there is a positive to be found. When a loved one dies, be grateful to the friends, family, and coworkers who support and help you through it. You can also be grateful for all the time you had with the person you lost. Every bad situation has a least one positive hidden—even if that positive is that things are not worse.

When you focus on the positives, you’ll feel overall happier and you’ll recover from bad things more quickly than you otherwise would have.

2) Focus on the positive possibility

It’s so easy to worry about things. We do it all the time. We worry about presentations, job interviews, grades, money, etc.

But at its core, worry is really fear. When we worry, we’re afraid that something won’t go our way.

Some worries are founded, but most of them are scenarios we make up in our heads. They’re worries about things that haven’t happen yet, and that may not happen at all.

We worry we won’t do well at the job interview, we worry, we won’t present information clearly at the big meeting, and we worry we won’t do well on a major test. But things like this could just as easily turn out in our favor. 

So instead of imagining the worst case scenario, try to imagine the best case scenario.

Imagine how it will feel when you kill your job interview, the triumph that comes with a successful presentation, or the success that comes with passing that test. 

We may not always get the outcomes we want, but you can be a lot happier if you focus on the positive possibility instead of the negative one. I also believe you’ll perform better when the time comes because you’ll be putting more energy into succeeding.

3) Give give people the benefit of the doubt

Let’s be real for a minute. 

People can be frustrating, irritating, and at times disappointing. This can be true with friends and family just as much as it is with strangers and coworkers.

But the reality is, people make mistakes. They can also be inadvertently distant, dismissive, or unaware. 

It can be very easy to let these incidental actions get under your skin. But when you do, you’re inviting negativity in to your day. The truth is, most people don’t do frustrating or irritating things on purpose. They do them by accident in the pursuit of a goal that doesn’t align with yours.

It’s absolutely frustrating and rude when someone cuts you off on the road and it’s okay to feel that. (I do! There’s usually some cursing involved.) But once the moment’s gone, consider that the driver was probably running late and didn’t  mean to cut your off.

Sure, this won’t always be true. Some people are just assholes. But you’ll be marginally happier and more peaceful if you choose to give people the benefit of the doubt—especially for incidental things like this.

If no one got hurt and it won’t matter tomorrow, choose to believe the negative impacts were inadvertent, and let go of those negative feelings.

4) Address concerns 

I may be all about letting go of small stuff, but I’m by no means suggesting you should be a door mat. 

If someone does something beyond an incidental offense and it’s something that will matter tomorrow, let them know.

Letting negative feelings fester is a sure way to damage your happiness. If someone did something that really bothered or hurt you, tell them.

You’ll feel a thousand times better when you do, and you prevent the situation from happening again.

5) Cut people out if you have to

Building off the last point,  if someone has repeatedly proven then are not worthy of the benefit of the doubt, then you will be marginally happier if you stop engaging with this person. 

This doesn’t mean you’re holding a grudge or being “difficult.” It means you value yourself too much to allow another person’s negativity to interfere with your life.

And if you ask me, family does not get a free pass here. I believe family members may get more chances than most, but if their negativity repeatedly proves toxic to your life, they need to go.

Remember how we talked about finding the positive in a bad situation? 

Well when someone has proven to be untrustworthy, the positive is that you don’t have to give them your time or energy anymore.

That’s a weight and stress that you can remove from your life. In doing so, you’ll be making room for more happy and positive people and experiences.

It might not be easy to cut people out, but if they are a problem in your life, you will unquestionably be happier for it.

6) Choose to celebrate the best in you

I think most of us, as humans, are wired to harp on our own negatives.

We replay the awkward conversations we had with our bosses or the embarrassing moment that happened in class or that thing we definitely shouldn’t have said to a friend or family member.

Instead, try to focus on the GOOD things you did in any given day. Let yourself feel good about a task you accomplished, someone you helped, or a compliment you were given. 

We’re all imperfect. We will mess up, and it’s important to acknowledge when that happens. But don’t let those screw ups be what you replay at the end of the day. 

When you focus on what you’ve done well, you can set a goal to do more of those good things. This will be easier to do, if you remind yourself that you are capable of good things. 

When you celebrate these things, you’ll not only feel better and happier about yourself, but you’ll also feel better and happier about the days and weeks ahead of you.

Sound off: What techniques and perspectives makes YOU a happier person? Tell us about it below!