6 Ways Introverts Can Deal with Unsolicited Advice to Be More Extroverted

I think most introverts have received unsolicited advice that they need to be more extroverted.

Naturally, this feedback usually comes from extroverts, but it can also come from unaware introverts who have been conditioned to believe they need to be more extroverted.

This advice is not asked for, often unhelpful, and usually encourages introverts to go against their very nature.

This advice can include things like, “you need to get out more,” “you don’t socialize enough,” “you need to be more involved in school/work,” “you need to date more,” etc.

Dealing with this advice can be a serious pain.

So, here are 6 ways you can deal with unsolicited advice to be more extroverted.

Explain what it means to be an introvert

It’s nice to be generous to the advice-giver when we can.

Some people really aren’t coming at you from a place of judgment. They’ve just noticed you don’t behave like most people and incorrectly assume you’d like to change that.

They think they’re helping. And in most of these cases, they simply don’t know much about introverts and introversion.

If you’re in the position, take a moment to educate them.

It may be as simple as a brief conversation for them to understand why their advice isn’t all that helpful to you. And it could even add a new understanding between the two of you, which can be helpful in the future.

Say “No, thank you” and change the subject

Sometimes, you’re in situations with well-meaning people, but you don’t always have the time, energy, or interest to do a deep dive on introversion. It’s okay!

You can simply say “No, thank you,” and changed the subject. And if this exact phrase isn’t a good fit, you can try anything that seems appropriate. “That’s not for me,” or “I’d rather not” also work well.

Then change the topic of conversation to something completely unrelated. You can ask a question or share something interesting that happened to you lately.

This is best used with someone who isn’t the type to push the issue. If the person is likely to be more assertive, one of the other options will probably be better for you.

Set some gentle boundaries

Gentle boundaries are a more gentle way of asserting yourself.

Personally, I’m more of a hard boundaries person, but they can take some getting used to. And sometimes, they’re not always what you need.

To set a gentle boundary, you might acknowledge that this person means something to, then gently assert your position.

So if you’re talking to a family member, friend, or anyone you care about, you might say, “I love that you care enough about me to consider this, but I’m good with things how they are and I don’t think this is something we need to discuss.”

This lets the advice-giver down easily while still asserting the boundary. If the advice-giver has any kind of awareness, this should put an end to the advice.

Set some hard boundaries

If someone is being overly assertive or judgemental with the advice their offering, or you’re interested in drawing a clear, hard line, hard boundaries are the way to go.

These boundaries clearly state that the topic of conversation is off limits and not one you’re interested in discussing with this person.

The can sound something like, “I’m actually happy with things as they are, and I’m really not looking for your input on this issue.” Or, “My dating life is not something that’s open for discussion.”

These boundaries make it clear to the advice-giver that this line of conversation is not acceptable. If they respect and value you, this should end things.

You can also do a combo of gentle and hard boundaries if that feels better. Something like, “I know you’re coming from a good place here, but I’m really not looking for feedback on this issue.”

For more on setting boundaries, check out this post.

Ask “Why?” and be difficult

This is where we’re going to get a little sassy and assertive.

This option may not be for everyone, but it’s one of my favorites for people who are repeatedly overly opinionated, disrespectful, and/or continuously ignore boundaries.

In these situations, I engage in a conversation knowing I’m going to make that person defend why I should do this thing. I also know that no matter what answer they give, I’m going to disagree with them no matter what.

If I can, I aim to turn the advice back on them by the end of things.

It’s also worth noting, by the time I’ve gotten to this point, there’s usually a tone in my voice that does a lot of heavy lifting.

For instance, if someone says, “You really need to get out more.” I’ll say, “Why?” (with my tone.) It takes them a minute, but then they might say, “It’s good to get out and meet people.”

Then I’ll often say something like, “but I don’t want/like to meet people.” Then they might say, “but, it’s good to meet people.”

To which I’ll respond, “Well, if you think that, then it would seem you need to get out more, but I’m good where I’m at.”

This is just an example. My conversations usually go longer than this.

But the idea is, question them, disagree with them, make them defend their advice, and ideally be difficult enough to make them regret opening their mouth to you.

If done right, this can keep them from offering such advice in the future.

If you’re using this option, you have to be strong and firm in your introvert life and your introverted decisions. If you’re not here yet, that’s fine! But you’ll probably be better off with another option on this list.

Do nothing

And when I say do nothing, I mean literally nothing.

Let the advice-giver talk. Let them give you advice. Do not fight it. Just let them go.

(Don’t agree with them either–we’re not here to encourage this behavior.)

Sometimes you’ve got to pick your battles. And if you’re dealing with someone you’ll likely never talk to again, or you just don’t have the energy for any other options on this list, just let them run their mouths.

Then, either change the subject or get out of the conversation altogether.

In the end, do not take the advice they’ve offered. (This is part of the “do nothing.”)

Looking for more tips on how to manage your introverted life?

If you want more tips and tricks on how to manage your introvert life and build plenty of healthy introvert habits, check out the Introvert Life Guide!

This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips, tricks, and ideas to help you create an introvert life that’s uniquely yours!

It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!

For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!

Sound off: What boundaries do you set as an introvert? Tell us about it in the comments!