We’re living in a time when introversion is talked about and understood more than it’s ever been. But even with that fact, there are still a lot of holes and misconceptions in the world’s general understanding of introverts.
With that in mind, I sat down and came up with my top eight things I wish people (mostly extroverts) knew about me as an introvert. These things may not be true for every introvert, but they’re all true for me.
They’re also habits and beliefs I believe I hold primarily because of my introverted nature.
So, here are eight things I wish people knew about me as an introvert.
I really do want to be home
I do not feel sad, pathetic, or lonely because I don’t have plans on a Friday, Saturday, or any night. This was true for me in high school, and it’s just as true now as an adult.
In fact, I typically find myself overjoyed in this situation. I have a whole night where I can do whatever I want to do, alone! I can watch TV, I can read a book, I can create! I can do whatever my introvert heart desires.
And at the end of this night, I’ll likely end up happy and energized, as opposed to the tired and drained feelings I’d have if I went out.
Staying home truly makes me happy. If I turn down an invite, you’re not doing me any favors by begging me to come out. In fact, that’s a fast way to end a friendship with me.
It’s absolutely okay if you cancel on me
Related to the point above, it’s absolutely okay if you cancel any plans we may have made! In fact, the sooner you do so the better!
It means I can fill in that time with an unexpected TV binge or extra reading time, which is always a welcome treat.
I don’t make plans with people unless I really want to spend time with them. So rest assured, if we had plans, I like you quite a bit and I will be disappointed not to see you.
However, the prospect of unexpected downtime will always be cause for excitement in my book!
As far as I’m concerned, it’s just as much of a win to be in my own company as it is to be in someone else’s (and often even more so).
So if you cancel on me, there’s no reason to feel guilty. We’ll reschedule and I’ll have the joy of bonus me time.
(Just please don’t cancel at the last minute. I won’t be happy if I put in the effort to get ready to leave the house for no reason.)
I’ll come to your party, but I’ll probably come late and/or leave early
I really don’t enjoy parties. Small gatherings, I’m down for, but parties I could do without.
Parties usually involve a lot of people, many of whom are usually strangers. Nothing fries my energy like having to socialize with a large group of relative strangers.
But if you’re someone I care about and you’re having a party, I will absolutely show up for you–and I’ll likely enjoy myself while I’m there.
However, the key to enjoying the party is by preventing my energy levels from plummeting.
For me, that means shows up after the party has definitely started (so I can get the most of it and not have to make painful small talk with the few people who are there earlier). And leaving when I’ve had enough–even if it’s early.
This keeps my energy from getting to the point that I start to hate the host for having a party in the first place. It’s truly better for everyone.
If I say I have a free night or weekend, it’s not an invitation to make plans with me
I genuinely look forward to nights when I don’t have plans. And sometimes, if things have been particularly busy, I need nights where I don’t have plans.
If I say I’m free, that doesn’t mean I’m fishing for something to do. And it also doesn’t mean I’m asking you to take my free time away from me.
True story, I knew I found a friend when I once bragged to a coworker about having an entire weekend completely free. When asked about my plans, I excitedly proclaimed, “I’m not leaving the house or talking to people.”
She laughed for a moment, then said, “that sounds really nice.” #introvertsunite.
If I remove myself from the group or pass on a social activity, it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong
Sometimes, I’m low on energy and the only thing that will help is to be alone and recharge. This can hit at any time.
Sometimes, I’ll know I’m too tired ahead of time and turn down or cancel a social activity I planned.
Other times I may be feeling good enough to go to the party or gathering, but find myself crashing halfway through. In those situations, I’ll often remove myself to a quieter space for a mini recharge.
None of this means I’m upset, angry, or in any way hurt. I just need to gather some energy and the best way to help is by leaving me alone.
(In fact, if you want to be a real hero, don’t just leave me alone. You can also make sure other people leave me alone. Seriously, I would be eternally grateful!)
If you make small talk with me, it’ll be a short conversation. If you want to dive deep on a topic, I’ll talk for hours
Small talk is painful for me. It feels forced and fake, and it requires very little thought, which I think is largly why it’s so unenjoyable for introverts.
Being an introvert means you have a rich inner world and small talk doesn’t scratch the surface of that world. But if you want to have a real conversation and dive deep on a topic, I will most likely be here for it.
Deep dives let me think and let me pull on my inner world to make a real connection. Bonus points if it’s a topic that I also really care about, but I’ll entertain almost any thought-provoking conversation as long as I have some interest.
I care more about what people think of my thoughts and personality than my appearance
Because my inner world means so much to me, I often care a lot more about what people think of my thoughts, personality, and beliefs as opposed to my appearance.
This doesn’t mean I’m indifferent to physical compliments–especially if they’re specific to something new I’m trying.
I absolutely see changes to my appearance as an outward expression of myself. So if I’m wearing a bold new lipstick, it probably means I’m feeling a little badass and that’s always okay to acknowledge.
But compliments like “pretty” or “attractive” don’t mean very much to me. They feel a little cookie-cutter, could easily be applied to anyone, and don’t say much about who I really am. But if you compliment my brain and who I am as a person–that shows an appreciation for my inner world, which I place a much higher value on.
I’ll also get a lot more defensive or hurt if you attack a core thought or belief than I will if you insult something about my appearance.
Being an introvert doesn’t mean I don’t like or am awkward with people
If I say I’m an introvert, it doesn’t mean I’m super shy and antipeople. It also doesn’t mean I’m awkward around them. Sure, I can be, but that’s not my default setting.
Some people are truly stunned when they find out I’m an introvert because I seem so personable. But, as I like to point out, that just means I like you. It doesn’t mean that I won’t have to recharge after our conversation or busy weekend.
I’m admittedly, not a big fan of people in general, but I am a big fan of my people. I also really enjoy making a genuine connection with someone new. That just happens to be a rare experience.
Looking for more in-depth tips on how to build your best introvert life?
If you want to dig a little deeper into this topic, check out the Introvert Life Guide!
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams.
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!
Sound off: What do you wish people knew about you as an introvert? Tell us about it in the comments!