This post is for anyone who’s found themselves over-scheduled, overcommitted, and looking for more me time, but it was written with introverts in mind.
I’m an INFJ, and true to my type’s description, I enjoy socializing with my (small) group of friends, but too much socializing absolutely drains me. And I know I’m not alone.
Since introverts get energy from solitude and alone time, too much socializing can suck us dry.
Even if we make plans we know we’ll enjoy, they’re also going to require energy. If we don’t give ourselves enough time to recharge in between events, it can leave us totally wiped out.
With that in mind, I created a socializing system that turned out to be life changing!
It helps me balance my socializing and recharge time, which ensures I see the people I want to see and enjoy the activities I agree to do, but still have plenty of time to recharge in between.
Today, I’m sharing my system with you, in case it helps you as much as it’s helped me!
First, a personal story
About a year and half ago, I found myself way overcommitted. I was consistently looking at my calendar for a free weekend (or even just a free day) where I could hunker down with a book, or binge watch a show, or even just take a walk all by myself. Those days were few and far between, and it got to a point where it really wasn’t okay.
I decided I needed a better system.
First, I took a hard look at the events I was giving my energy to, and for one month, I tracked all of my social activities. (I consider a “social activity” to be any time commitment I make that isn’t school/work and that takes away from recharge time.)
What I found was that if someone I wanted to spend time with asked me to do something, I often said yes because I did, genuinely, want to see them. But I made commitments with no regard for the big picture, which is how I ended up over-scheduled.
With those facts in mind, my system was born.
I call this system “social tracking.” (Super original, I know!)
Here’s a break down of the system and how to make it work for you:
Step 1: Cut out any events you aren’t completely excited about
Before you agree to anything, consider the event as a whole.
If there’s any part of an event you don’t like, don’t commit to it. This is arguably easier if you hate an event compared to if you would just prefer not to attend.
For instance, I’ve always found concerts to have way too much sensory stimulation and zap my energy to the point that they’re really unenjoyable. Once I figured this out, I never had a problem turning the offer down, for any reason.
But it’s a little harder to turn down events that you don’t really want to do, but feel compelled to agree to be cause you: a) like the other people attending, or b) want to be a good friend/family member.
These events can be draining, and if you ask me, it’s not really worth it if you’re not enjoying the experience.
Instead, try considering the entire activity before committing to something, and ask yourself:
“Do I like/want to spend time with the people who are going to be there?”
“Do I like the time frame I’m being asked to commit to?”
“Do I like the activity itself that I’m being asked to take part in?”
If the answer to any of these questions is “no,” I’d recommend passing on the event.
Your energy is too limited and too valuable to spend on activities you aren’t fully excited about.
Bonus tip: If you like the people inviting you but hate the activity, tell them you can’t make it, but you’d love to catch up. Then suggest an activity you would actually enjoy.
Step 2: Make a Social Budget
Once you cut out events you aren’t totally excited about, it’s time to manage the ones you are.
To do this, I suggest making a “Social Budget.” Let me tell you, this has changed my introvert life!
At the beginning of each month, decide how many social activities you believe you’ll have the energy to participate in.
Personally, I budget for five weekday outings and four weekend activities a month. (I’ll allow a month to have 5 weekend activities if there happens to be five weekends in that particular month, and I count Friday nights as a weekday.)
I can use my allotment of social activities anyway I see fit.
This may mean that some months I’ll have a couple weekends with an activity every day, while others are completely open. And other months, I’ll have weekends with one activity a weekend and one day that’s all mine.
Creating a social budget like this gives you the flexibility to see friends and family, and show up at events you need/want to be at, regardless of when they fall, while still making sure you have the time you need to recharge.
Sure, some weeks may take more energy than others, but as long as you have recharge time built into the monthly big picture, you’ll be able to both have fun and recover.
Side note: Don’t be afraid to play with my numbers. You may need more or less time to recharge than I do. The key is to make your life work for you!
When in doubt, undershoot! If you ask me, it’s better to have more free time and adjust accordingly, then find you’re still over-socializing.
Step 3: Have a hard line on maxing out
This is the key to a successful social tracking system. You have to have a hard line on maxing out—especially in the beginning when you’re building this new habit.
If you max out on weekend or weekday events and get invited to another, turn the event down, or make plans with that person for the following month.
When this happens to me, I typically tell the inviter that I’m busy.
It doesn’t mean I’m busy at that exact moment they’re trying to may plans for. It just means that overall, I am too busy to attend any more events and be healthy and present in my life and my other commitments.
This may mean you miss out or can’t make it to things. That’s just the way it is.
And while sometimes it may suck for both you and the person who’s invite you’re declining, I believe that maintaining this healthy balance is worth that sacrifice.
This is what it means to take care of yourself.
And honestly, in my experience, any invite I’ve gotten after I’ve maxed out was something that I’ll have the opportunity to do at a later point in time (like lunch with a friend or a trip to the zoo).
Step 4: Know when to be flexible
But with that said, it’s okay to to stretch yourself for the right situation.
I don’t want anyone missing out on a once in a lifetime opportunity because of a self-imposed budget.
The point of this system is to be balanced and healthy, but not rigid. So I also think it is important to make exceptions in some situations.
Be flexible when you have to, just make sure your exceptions are truly worth sacrificing some of your precious recharge time.
The overall impact from my personal experience
I mentioned earlier that this changed my life, and honestly, I’m not exaggerating. I was pretty blown away by how much tracking my socializing helped my life.
Before I started doing this, I would spend most of my downtime and rare free days wrung out on the couch, recovering.
Now I have energy for projects and adventures.
I take more walks. I do more yoga. I cook better food. I enjoy my social activities more. And I create more.
This blog only exists because I had the time, space, and energy to create it. It all came together after I started monitoring my socializing and keeping my energy levels balanced.
I’ll never go back!
Looking for more in-depth tips to help you live a more balanced introvert life?
If you want to dig a little deeper into this topic, check out the Introvert Life Guide!
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips and tricks to help you live a more balanced, peaceful introvert life.
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
Sound off: Have you ever felt that you’re over extended? How do you maintain or come back into balance? Tell us about it below! And if you give this approach a try, be sure to come back and tell us how it worked for you, and share any changes you made to make it work better!
I’m definitely going to try this out! It can be hard for me to find the right balance when I work so much and I’m perpetually tired. But of course getting enough sleep would probably help me too. That’s been my biggest struggle.