Welcome to the Eighth post of the Introvert Life Series! Today, we’re going to look at pushy relatives who may take shots at your introverted tendencies.
(If you missed the previous posts in this series, you can catch up here.)
These relatives tend to be extroverts, but sometimes, they’re introverts who have more of a need to do what our extroverted society has decided is “normal.”
They may question why you don’t “get out more,” repeatedly pressure you to attend upcoming events you know you won’t have the energy to attend, etc.
These relatives and judgments can be both draining and irritating, especially since there is absolutely nothing wrong with living a more introverted life.
However, at times, their questions and judgments may get to you. This is understandable, and it’s very uncool of them to put you in that position.
Today, we’re going to talk about how to use shutdown phrases to end conversations with pushy relatives and protect the introvert life you’re building.
Shutdown phrases
What they are
A shutdown phrase is a direct response to a repeated judgment or question. It’s designed to end a conversation you don’t want to have with someone who has no business pressuring you to live your life by their own ideals.
Essentially, it’s you verbally setting a firm boundary.
Why you need them
You can surely use shutdown phrases with friends and acquaintances, but if those people don’t get a more subtle hint, it’s a lot easier to work them out of your life.
Family tends to have more staying power. And if you’re getting tired of having the same conversation with the same pushy relatives year after year, it may be time to be a little more assertive. That’s where shutdown phrases come in.
Who you should use them on
Anyone who repeatedly applies pressure on you to be more extroverted, or to live your life in a way you don’t completely enjoy.
This is particularly true if you find yourself avoiding a family member at a gathering because you just aren’t interested in dealing with their opinions of you.
If you have one or several of these people in your family, you’re probably picturing them right now.
How to make your own shutdown phrases
Take stock of your most repeated questions and judgments and the people who offer them
If you’ve been in a family for any number of years, the questions and judgments that get under your skin will likely be very easy to recall.
Make a list. As you come across a new question or judgment, add it to your list.
Create 2-3 phrases for each repeated offense
Brainstorm direct phrases that leave no room for debate or continued conversation.
For instance, if a family member keeps pressuring you to date, but you don’t have the energy for it right now, you can say something like, “That’s not something I’m interested in doing or discussing.”
Your shutdown phrases don’t have to be rude, but they should be strong, confident, and decisive.
You can come up with unique shutdowns for each situation, or come up with a handful that work in any situation (or both).
For example, one that you can use in almost any instance is, “I’m actually not looking to make a change or collect opinions about that aspect of my life, but thanks anyway.” (You can drop the “thanks anyway” if the person you’re talking to hasn’t earned that courtesy.)
And if the shutdown phrase doesn’t work quite as well as you’d like, one final “Since it is my life, I’m only really concerned about what I think and want. Why don’t we talking about something else?”
These are just some ideas. It’s typically best if you come up with your own so you can deliver them confidently. The main point here is to have these phrases ready and accessible to you.
Deliver them in the right tone, without guilt
Odds are, if you actually wanted to start a fight over these things, you would have done it by now. Luckily, you don’t have to!
Of course, you can be confrontational if the pushy relative has really earned that, but you don’t have to be.
Let go of any defensiveness you may feel and lean into empowerment. If you’re living your best introvert life, you should be confident and empowered by that!
Deliver your shutdown phrase with a happy, upbeat tone. Allow yourself to take ownership of the happy introvert life you’re living. Feel and harness that confidence and empowerment.
Additionally, let go of any guilt you may feel for pushing back. If you’re being judged, you should not feel guilty for asserting yourself, especially if you’re being non-confrontational.
Looking for more tips on how to manage your introverted life?
If you’re liking this series and are looking for more, check out the Introvert Life Guide, which gives you an even more in-depth look at each of the areas we cover in these emails.
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips, tricks, and ideas to help you create an introvert life that’s uniquely yours!
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!
Sound off: How do you deal with pushy relatives as an introvert? Tell us about it in the comments!