I’m pretty sure every introvert has found themselves in a situation where they need to get out of a social event.
Maybe you know from the start you want no parts of an invite and need to figure out how to decline. Or maybe you’ve agreed to something that you find you don’t have the energy for when the time comes.
Whatever your reason, here are some tips to help get you out of events you don’t have the energy for.
Free you yourself from guilt and obligation
Introverts need to preserve their energy if they want to be the best version of themselves. This means being purposeful and selective about what social activities you give your energy to.
In order to be purposeful and selective, you first have to free yourself of the habit of saying yes out of guilt or obligation.
Often times, introverts agree to attend social activities they don’t want to attend if they don’t have a “good reason” to say no. They don’t want to let people down and they aren’t “busy,” and that can sometimes feel like they have to say yes.
But the reality is, not wanting to do something is a valid reason to say no. It doesn’t matter if you’re technically “free.” You are not obligated to say yes to something just because you were asked and you shouldn’t feel guilty for honoring yourself and saying no.
I’ve said it on this blog before and I’ll say it again:
Preserving your energy for the people who need you and the activities you want to do isn’t selfish. It’s taking care of yourself. And anyone who would make you feel guilty about that isn’t worth your time or energy.
So let go of that guilt and obligation and take an honest look at the invite. If you don’t want to do it, consider some of the following options.
Be honest
When you turn down an activity or back out of plans, it’s best to be as honest as you can be.
If you’re talking to a close friend or a fellow introvert who will totally understand where you’re coming from, you can be very honest and say something lie, “It’s not my thing” or “I don’t think I’ll be up for that.”
If you’re talking to someone who might pressure you into changing your mind, be a little vaguer. Instead simply say, “I can’t make it.” If you’d like to socialize with this person, then suggest a better day or a more preferred activity.
And if you’re canceling because you don’t feel like going to something you’ve planned, “I’m not feeling good” is always a good excuse.
It may feel like you’re not being honest if you’re not genuinely sick, but that’s not the case. If you’re truly not feeling like you have the energy for the activity, it’s not a lie.
Just because you’re not physically sick doesn’t mean you’re feeling good.
Be clear
If you like the idea of an invite but aren’t sure you’ll have the energy, it’s okay to say you’ll have to think about it.
But it’s not cool to give a non-committal response when you know you have no desire or intention to show up. Not only does it leave people hanging, it leaves the situation unresolved and hanging over your head until the day of the event.
If you know you don’t want to do something, be clear about that. Don’t leave people to guess if you’re coming or not. Sometimes headcounts are important.
And even in situations where they aren’t, the sooner you make it clear you shouldn’t be expected, the sooner you can stop giving that activity your mental energy.
Hold your ground
This can be the hardest part when you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t understand what it means to be an introvert. Sometimes people get wind of the fact that you’re sitting at home and “free” and think that you should be pressured into attending.
Maybe they’re doing this out of love. They may think helping you “get out more” will be a good thing in the long run.
Or maybe they’re doing it out of selfishness because they simply want you to be at the event.
Whatever the reason, do not allow yourself to be talked into attending an event you don’t want to attend.
Your energy is a valuable commodity–especially as an introvert. It’s up to you to protect it and to use it as you see fit. Anyone who doesn’t respect that doesn’t deserve your energy in the first place.
Lie if you have to
And if all else fails, lie.
I’m not typically an advocate of dishonesty. In fact, there’s a case to be made that I may be a little too honest. But when it comes to protecting your time and energy, you do what you got to do.
And if you find yourself faced with someone who won’t respect that you’re declining a social event, then lying is sometimes the best option.
So if you ever feel like you’ll have to expel more energy fighting for your right to decline an activity than attending it would take, you’re well within your rights to lie.
Say whatever you have to in order for this person to leave you in peace as quickly as possible. Your energy is yours to use as you see fit.
Anyone who can’t respect that hasn’t earned the curtesy of the truth.
Cancel if you have to
We’ve all been there. We make plans that sound fun at the time, but then the week leading up to the event was much busier than we anticipated.
When the time comes to actually show up, we’re worn down, wrung out, and the idea of giving energy to anything–even something we want to do–is a painful thought.
If the activity you’re attending can easily be rescheduled and/or isn’t that important of an event, cancel it. If necessary, you can make it up to whoever you’re canceling on when you’re feeling better.
Suck it up when you have to
Unfortunately, some things aren’t easy to reschedule or may be very important to attend. That means sometimes we have to suck it up.
Maybe your friend is only in town once a year and if you don’t have lunch as you planned, you won’t get to see each other until next year. Or maybe you’ve got a family wedding on the calendar that’s nonnegotiable.
In these cases, suck up what you can and try to give yourself downtime before and after to get through. And if you can’t make an early exit (like at that wedding) do it.
But ideally, these tips will help you do your best to only agree to events you want to do, and that will give you the energy for the things you have to do too.
Looking for more in-depth tips on how to manage your social life as an introvert?
If you want to dig a little deeper into this topic, check out the Introvert Life Guide!
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips and tricks to help you navigate your introverted social life.
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!
Sound off: How do you get out of social events you don’t want to attend? Tell us about it in the comments!