How Learning I’m an INFJ Improved My Life

Learning I was an introvert, and what that really meant, was a game-changer for me. I wrote all about it here.

But learning I was an INFJ? That took my life to a whole new level.

INFJs are said to be the rarest personality type, making up just two percent of the population. (Read more about INFJs here.) As a result, INFJs can often feel a little out of place and misunderstood.

For me, learning I was and INFJ led me to a new understanding of who I am and how to build a happy, sustainable life.

Here are seven ways learning I’m an INFJ drastically improved my life.

It helped me understand my needs

Before I learned I was an INFJ, I didn’t understand just how different my needs were from other people’s.

I didn’t understand why I needed so much alone time, or why things like concerts, parties, and weddings left me feeling so drained.

When I learned what it meant to be an introvert, I learned a lot about my energy levels. But when I learned I was an INFJ, I learned just how different my needs were from others–even other introverts.

I used to think that staying home, and turning down invites was selfish. I often did it anyway, but I felt pretty guilty.

Now I know that plenty of alone time and avoiding loud, bright, crowded places is an actual need for me. My nervous system really is more sensitive to stimuli than most, so I’m more easily overwhelmed in highly stimulative environments.

I also learned how vital it is that I sleep regularly and keep myself from getting rundown. This is because exhaustion often makes situations feel so much more overwhelming than they are.

It made me more assertive and less guilty

Once I learned that my needs were actually different than other people’s I was able to be more assertive in asking for and protecting those needs.

I was always pretty good at trust my gut and not doing things I didn’t want to do. Throughout high school and college, I turned down party invites regularly. I also passed on anything that might overstimulate me.

I didn’t always know why my impulse was to skip out on things. All I knew was it felt right for me. However, I also usually felt guilty turning these invites down.

While I trusted my instincts enough to avoid these situations, I was very aware that the fact that my desire to avoid wasn’t really “normal.”

As a result, I would be more non-committal or make up excuses as to why I couldn’t do something.

Once I learned I was an INFJ, I got much more assertive and definitive and a lot less guilty.

I realized staying home wasn’t being selfish. It was taking care of myself. Once I realized opting out wasn’t a luxury, but a necessity, I felt a lot less guilty about it.

It helped me accept what I like and don’t like

Like I touched on, growing up, I was very aware of the fact that my idea of fun and pure hell wasn’t the same as most people’s.

Most of the time, I was pretty okay with this. But there were some occasions where I pushed myself to have an experience that I knew I would hate, simply because I thought it was an experience I should have.

Personally, my junior prom was a big moment for me. I learned in middle school that dances were so not my thing. The loud music, the crowded dance floor, the inability to escape everyone–it sent my INFJ self into a spiral of overwhelm.

But when the time came for my first prom, I felt like I had to go. After all, it was prom. So I went.

And I hated it. Nothing particularly bad happened, but it was a night full of everything my INFJ self loathed.

Learning I’m an INFJ helped me lean into embrace what I like and don’t like. I learned that if I’m invited to a “fun” event that my gut tells me will be pure hell for me, then I should skip it.

I also learned to trust that I know myself well enough to know what I like and what I don’t, no matter what society says I’m “supposed” to enjoy.

It helped me create a happy environment

Understanding that my nervous system is actually more sensitive than most people’s helped me create a home and office space that helps me recharge and stay productive.

I avoid using overhead lighting at all costs–especially in the living room and bedroom spaces. I learned to use fans and white noise machines to block out distracting and irritating noises.

And I’ve learned how important it is for me to have designated space that’s just for me to recharge in. These are things that might have felt like a luxury if I didn’t understand what it meant to be an INFJ.

It also may have taken me a very long time to find my way to creating these environments if I didn’t understand how much it would help my INFJ sensibilities.

It helped me ask for help

Just like I used to push myself to do things I didn’t like, I also used to push myself to do things I thought I should be able to do on my own.

But I’ve since learned that my INFJ personality makes some aspects of the world more challenging for me than others.

As a result, I’m more inclined to ask for help in certain areas because now I know it actually is harder for me than it is for other people.

Now that I know these things really are harder for me, it’s been easier to ask for help when I really feel like I need it.

For instance

I hate making a phone call to a stranger or someone I don’t know very well. It doesn’t matter that I’ll likely only be on the phone for long enough to make an appointment or have a brief conversation.

It’s can be an actual stressor for me.

I would rather go out of my way to address an issue in person, than make a phone call. But that’s not always practical.

I think this is largely because as an INFJ, there’s a lot about a person and situation that my intuition processes when I’m physically in a space that I’m not cognitively aware of.

Losing this ability to observe body language and get a read on the general vibe of a room and person takes away a major element in my ability to assess a situation, which can stress me out.

On a good day, when I’m rested, in a good mood, and things are right in my world, I can make that call despite the low-level anxiety that comes with it.

But on a bad day, when I’m tired, stressed, or have another problem hanging over my head, the idea of making that call can feel more overwhelming.

I used to push myself to “be an adult” and make the call anyway. However, the prospect of doing so (and the stress that comes with it) would eat up my entire day.

Now I’ve learned that if I’ve got a lot going on, it’s okay to ask someone to help me out and make that phone call for me.

It doesn’t mean I’m not adult enough. I can do these things when I really need to and when I’m in a good place. But sometimes, I’m an INFJ with a lot going on. And I need a little help.

It helped me set healthy boundaries

Learning that INFJs are often councilors and often overwork themselves in the name of perfection and helping others was another eye-opener for me.

Growing up and even into my mid-twenties, it was my instinct to help and meet the needs and expectations of other people.

If an email came into my inbox (which was always open), I answered it right away. I didn’t want to keep someone waiting. If someone needed me to stay late at work or give my free time to help, it was my inclination to say yes.

My heart often wanted me to say no to things but found myself feeling obligated to say yes. Especially when someone was asking for help.

I would also obsess over my work in the name of getting it as good as I possibly could–to an unhealthy degree.

Learning these impulses are part of the INFJs nature and the importance of setting boundaries drastically improved my quality of life.

I still like to help when I can, and I still like to do good work. But I’ve learned that I’m better for everyone–the people I’m helping, myself, and my work–if I check with myself.

I’ve learned to assess how much I have to give, say no when I need to (which is often), set realistic expectations for myself and the people I interact with, and to let go of my work when I feel I’ve done my best–even if the work itself isn’t perfect.

I’ve also learned I don’t have to be so available to everyone. It’s okay to get back to someone when I can or direct them to a more helpful resource or person instead of taking their problem on myself.

Looking for more in-depth tips on how to build your best, happiest introvert life?

If you want to dig a little deeper into this topic, check out the Introvert Life Guide!

This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams.

It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!

For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!

Sound off: How as learning your personality type improved your life? Tell us about it in the comments!