One of, if not THE, most common question introverts get is “why are you so quiet?”
I legitimately think this is a rude question.
If it’s coming from someone who knows you well enough to think your silence means something is wrong, it’s one thing. But more often than not, it’s coming from someone who is questioning your quieter nature as a whole because they think there’s something abnormal about it.
This question often asked by extroverts. Most of the times it’s said with varying degrees of judgment, but sometimes there’s some genuine curiosity there.
This post is half serious, half tongue-in-cheek, but you’re welcome to use any of these responses as you see fit.
They’re ranked from most polite (for the more curious types) to least polite (for those who are more judgmental and rude in their tone).
Without further ado, here are 9 possible responses to “why are you so quiet?”
Polite
These are responses for anyone you think is asking out of a genuine desire to understand. Some are for those you think may get it and/or respect you.
And others are for people who you know mean well, but either aren’t going to get it or who won’t let you off the hook.
“I just like to listen.”
This answer is likely true for most introverts. Some of my favorite group conversations to be in are conversations where I can just take it in and nod along, without being dragged in or forced to contribute.
If I have something to say, I’ll say it, but in most cases, I genuinely enjoy listening more than participating.
This response is great for people who seem more curious about your behavior. They’re typically less judgemental and seem to have a genuine desire to understand.
This response is polite, honest, and sheds insight, while still giving you room to continue with your quieter demeanor.
“I really don’t have anything to say.”
This answer is polite and likely honest.
It’s ideal for someone you like and trust.
Some people will interpret this wrong. They may think you’re saying you aren’t interested in what’s being talked about.
But the right people will likely appreciate the fact that you don’t talk just to hear yourself speak and may even respect you for it.
And when you do decide to speak, you better believe these people will listen to you.
“I’m a little tired today.”
Bonus points if it’s the truth.
Which, let’s be real, it’s pretty likely to be true. Socializing can be draining, and depending on the day, you might be going into an activity with your introvert energy reservoir low.
If that’s the case, you may genuinely be too tired to muster up the extra energy to converse.
But sometimes there are people who ask this question with genuine curiosity, and you know they’re just not going to be about the grasp the concept.
Maybe you’ve tried to explain introversion to them before and it didn’t take. Or maybe you can just tell they’re the type who aren’t interested in understanding or won’t let you be your quiet self if they got the honest answer.
Whatever the reason, this answer is polite enough, and sufficiently answers the question in a way that should prevent the asker from forcing you to be more talkative.
Neutral
These responses are for people who give you just a hint of judgment with that question. As if they’re implying that there’s something wrong with your behavior.
These responses are good for people you don’t feel inclined to be too polite to, but who you also don’t really want to be confrontational with either.
Your more quiet nature isn’t hurting anyone. It’s simply who you are and you don’t owe anyone an explanation if you don’t want to give it.
These responses don’t really answer the question, but they aren’t outright rude or hostile.
“No reason.”
If you want to take the sting off of this one, you can deliver it with an upbeat tone. Or not. It’s up to you.
If there are follow up questions, stick to you your “no reason” response.
This response will frustrate some people, but if you’re giving it, it’s to people who probably won’t respect the truth, which would likely frustrate you.
So the asker can go ahead and be frustrated.
Nothing
This can mean changing the subject or staying completely quiet. It’s totally your call.
This is for people whose judgment you may not want to directly confront for one reason on another but still aren’t interested in being too polite to.
“I’m going to go refill my drink.”
Now we’re starting to get a little passive-aggressive. However, this gives you a hard exit from the conversation and judgmental person.
And yes, it’s a little rude to answer a question by walking away, but I’m guessing if the asker makes you feel like this is the best option, they’re probably a little rude themselves.
And if they’re someone you don’t want to be confrontational with (for whatever reason) making an exit like this is actually a kindness.
Not So Polite
These responses are for people who have TONS of judgment on your quiet behavior and for people you don’t feel particularly inclined to hide your irritation for.
Maybe they’re people you have disrespected your previous responses or disrespected you in some way. Or maybe they’re just rude from the start.
“I’m not.”
Tone is everything with this response. You can be as cold and pointed as you want to be.
I like this one because it’s honest and directly defies their assessment.
As much as I often come off as quiet to others, I rarely feel quiet. There are a million thoughts flying around my head at any given second.
I don’t know what it feels like to be bored because my mind is always going.
In other people’s perspective, I’m quiet, but in mine, I’m anything but.
If they weren’t being judgy and superior, I might be inclined to share with them more.
“I don’t have anything to say to you.”
The end of this is a very important distinction for our polite version of this response.
It’s one thing not to have anything to say in general and leave things open to interpretation.
It’s another thing to be direct about the fact that you don’t want to talk to this person.
Odds are if you’re pulling this one out, the person in question already had some idea that you’re not their biggest fan, so don’t be afraid to use this as you see fit.
“Why are you so loud?”
Now we start to turn the tables a little bit. I put this one last because this feels the most offensive to me.
You’re taking a question they’re using to judge you and giving it right back to them. That’s a big reason why this is one of my favorite responses.
And if you want, you can downgrade this with a more openminded extrovert if you want to start a thought provocating conversation on who or what dictates “normal” behavior.
But generally speaking, it makes a pretty great sassy comeback.
And if you’re the type who would prefer your clothes do the talking, I’ve got a shirt that can help you out!
Looking for more in-depth tips on how to explain your introverted nature?
If you want to dig a little deeper into this topic, check out the Introvert Life Guide!
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips and tricks to help you utilize your introverted knowledge and explain introversion to those who don’t understand.
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!
Sound off: What’s your favorite response to this question? Tell us about it in the comments!