For the most part, I loved school! I loved learning, spending time with my friends, and even participating in after-school activities.
This was true from elementary school straight through high school.
But there were also aspects of school that were really hard for me. I found myself tired all the time, and I found my definition of fun didn’t line up with that of a “normal” teenager.
Now I know most of my struggles were related to being an introvert.
I didn’t learn about my introverted nature, or what that really means, until after college. But if I had this information earlier, there’s a lot about school I would have approached differently.
This is especially true when it came to high school where days seemed to get longer thanks to extra curriculars, and there seemed to be a more concrete expectation of how a “normal” teen should behave.
With that in mind, I came up with my top five reasons why school can be hard for introverts and five tips to help ease some of that pressure.
Keep in mind, this is all based on my own experience, so this may not apply to everyone. But my hope is that it’ll help anyone out there still in school who may think and feel the same way I did.
Why school can be hard
People are everywhere, all the time
Like we talked about in our Introvert 101 post, Introverts get energy from alone time and are drained of their energy when they’re around people.
When you’re in school, the only time you’re really alone is the three to five minutes it takes to go to the bathroom and go back to class.
Every other point through out the day, you’re likely in a classroom, in a crowded hallway, or in a crowded cafeteria or other common space. And during all of that time, your energy is being slowly sucked away.
Personally, this is the biggest reason why I think I was tired all the time in high school. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I found I had more energy when I went to college and had less time in class and more downtime in between classes to recharge.
Social/Parental pressure to be “normal”
There’s a lot of expectations–from both peers and parents/guardians–that teens behave “normally.”
To most, this means wanting to be out with friends all the time, going to parties and drinking, and staying out late as much as possible.
There is often pressure for introverts to conform to these expectations. This pressure comes from the majority of peers who see those activities as fun, and from the extraverted adults in our lives who see these interests as the mark of a normal teenager.
And while some introverts may want to do some of those things some times, I found that at the end of a day or week of school, I just wanted to be home.
I was tired, and I’d been required to spend an excess of time in the outer world. I wanted to spend my weekends recharging and feeding my inner world.
But it can be hard to explain this and be comfortable with this impulse when you’re told this behavior isn’t normal.
Group Projects
Group projects are some of my worst high school memories! Introverts often do their best work alone or with people they have come to know and trust.
So the idea of having to work with someone, especially if they don’t know or trust the people in their group, can be really challenging.
I often found that I was much more efficient if I did an entire group project alone than if I broke up the workload and shared it with people I didn’t trust to do their part.
Early start and late nights
Personally, high school is when I really started to have introvert related school struggles. I think one reason for this is that school typically starts earlier. And, because of after-school activities and a heavier workload, students are often up later than they are when they’re younger.
For introverts, this means they’re giving more of their energy than is ideal, and they’re losing out on sleep, which typically plays a big role in the recovery and recharging process.
Large group events
Another school-related energy suck for introverts is school-sponsored large group activities.
This includes assemblies, proms, dances, school sporting events, or anything similar.
Any large gathering is going to be rough on introverts and the pressure to attend, or related fear of missing out, can make it hard for introverts to take care of themselves, say no, and get the downtime they need.
This is especially true of if it’s an event that’s happening outside of school or an event that’s seen as a “milestone.”
Going to my junior prom was a massive growth point for me because my instincts were telling me not to go. I felt obligated to because it was prom. I didn’t want to miss out on a milestone.
But in the end, I was bored after dinner and trapped in a room full of people for the rest of the night, counting down until it was over. It taught me that other people’s milestones don’t have to be my milestones.
Now I understand that the pressure to go and enjoy that kind of event comes from more extroverted idea of “fun.”
5 Tips to help students get by
Accept “good enough”
It’s okay not to get an A or to not always do your best if it means creating more time to recharge and fill your inner world. I do believe it’s important to do well in school, but not at the expense of yourself.
Sometimes, good enough really is good enough.
If you’re a perfectionist this may be a challenge, but it’s important to note that this isn’t being lazy. It’s taking care of yourself.
I found my way to this naturally and it made a big difference. Learning to do enough to get a B gave me good enough grades, and allowed me to carve out time to watch TV, read, and recharge.
And I can honestly say as an adult, I don’t regret a single lower grade, even if I know I could have done better. Watching hours of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, did more for me than an A ever could have.
Limit after school activities
It’s okay not to do everything. It’s okay to have some days where you just go home right after school.
Again, this is a form of taking care of yourself.
Slowing down and giving yourself more time to recharge will help you have more energy to be better in school and maybe even go to the occasional party or sporting event.
Find ways to work alone (and use headphones when you can)
Always ask if you can do a group project by yourself. Some teachers might say no, but a lot of teachers are open to the idea.
And if that turns out not to be an option, try to break the project down so you’re responsible for a specific part of the project so you can do independently.
It won’t mean you can fully trust others to do their part, but a clear division of responsibility will give you the space to do your own part and make it obvious who didn’t pull their weight.
And if possible, plug your headphones in and listen to music when you work independently in class. Being able to turn out a busy environment won’t totally help you recharge, but it may give you a little boost.
Learn to trust yourself and say “no”
Learn to trust your instincts on what you do and don’t want to do.
Like I touched on earlier, I had been dreading going to my prom. I instinctively knew it was something I would hate and a part of me wishes I didn’t go.
But at the same time, I’m glad I went and hated it because it taught me to trust my instincts. Now I turn down events that give me that feeling of dread without a moment of regret.
If you feel at all compelled to go to a once in a lifetime event, go! You can’t get those moments back and regret will stay with you.
If you hate it, then you’ve learned something about yourself you can carry with you for next time. But the key is to learn your own cues and instincts and say no when it’s appropriate.
Carve out and protect your downtime
This is particularly important if you have extroverted friends and family who are pressuring you to be “normal.” In most cases, when an extrovert is pressuring you to do something, it’s not that they don’t care about what you need, it’s because they don’t understand what you need.
Which means it’s up to you to recognize that your needs are different and carve out the time to recharge and protect it. If you don’t say you don’t want to/aren’t going somewhere, no one else will.
Granted, sometimes opting out isn’t possible. In those cases, do what you need to in order to get by. If this means bringing a book to the dance and finding a hallway to read, I say go for it!
If it helps, check out this post on managing extroverts. It may help you avoid those situations all together.
Looking for more in-depth tips on how to manage your introverted school life?
If you want to dig a little deeper into this topic, check out the Introvert Life Guide!
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips and tricks to help you manage school (especially for college and beyond) and your future.
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!
Sound off: How did you struggle with a school environment as an introvert? What helped/helps you get by? Tell us about it in the comments!