Welcome to the tenth and final post of the Introvert Life Series! This is our second post discussing friends and social life.
(If you missed the previous posts in this series, you can catch up here.)
Today, we’re going to cover how to create a more manageable social life by arranging your social events and activities on your own terms.
As introverts, I think it can often feel like we don’t have full control over our schedules.
When friends and family reach out with events and plans, we often feel obligated to say yes just because we don’t have a “good” reason to say no. This can lead to a lot of time and energy given to people we don’t want to see and doing activities we don’t want to do.
It can also lead to an overbooked schedule and an overextended introvert.
One of the best ways to create a more manageable, balanced schedule is by making it a point to arrange social activities on your own terms.
Here’s how you can make this happen and why it can help you as an introvert.
How to do it
Consider downtime part of your plans
We touched on this earlier in the series, but it’s also an important aspect of planning your social life.
If you’ve blocked off time as downtime, that is a plan. That time is for you to recharge. It’s not available for others.
Now, if you do happen to get an invite to something you really want to do during your scheduled downtime, and you can reschedule that downtime before or after the event, but all means go for it!
But you shouldn’t feel guilty if you want to keep your downtime as it is. Those are plans you made with yourself, and they’re just valid and legitimate as the plans you make with other people.
When making plans with friends, give your availability and say what you’re willing to do
When you’re making plans someone, be as specific as possible about when you’re free and what you’re willing to do.
In the past, I would often offer up wide chunks of time to my friends, saying things like “I’m free the whole week for 4th. Just let me know what’s good for you.” I’d also often ask them what they’d like to do during this time.
As a result, I end up giving up whole afternoons and evenings to people and sometimes doing things I didn’t enjoy just to spend time with a friend. This left me habitually tired and oversocialized.
Now, I’ll say, “I’m free the 4th at 6:00, the 7th at 3:00 or the 8th at 1:00. If none of that works, let me know and I’ll see what else I can do.” This strikes a good balance of protecting my time, while still working to take my friend’s schedule into consideration.
I’ll also say be specific about what I’m willing to do during that time. “There’s a great coffee place near me I think you’ll really like if you want to check it out. There’s also a new museum we can check out, or a trail we can walk.”
Again, there are options! I try to consider activities we’ll both enjoy, but by limiting the activities to things I actually want to do, it reduces the chance that I’ll end up drained and trapped in an activity I don’t really enjoy.
Don’t be afraid to turn down or modify someone else’s suggestion
It’s also good to learn to pass on or modify someone else’s suggestion. I think as introverts, a lot of us grew up learning (consciously or unconsciously) to “suck it up.”
We were led to believe it’s normal to go out and it’s good to have an active social life. But since we didn’t always want to do those things, we got used to agreeing to other people’s plans and suggestions and sucking it up to get through the experience.
But we don’t have to socialize that way.
If someone offers up an opportunity to socialize, it’s okay to pass or modify what’s being suggested.
For instance, if a friend you would like to spend time with invites you to go to a music festival and that type of environment is a stressor for you, you can say something like, “Thanks for thinking of me! That’s not really my thing, so I’m going to pass, but I hope you have fun! We’ll have to get together soon.”
Or if you’re making plans with someone and they suggest doing something on a day you’d blocked off for downtime, you can say, “I can’t that day, can we try for the 14th instead? Maybe around 2:00?”
This way, you won’t end up having to suck it up and survive another social encounter that will make you miserable. You’ll actually enjoy what you’re doing and the people you’re doing it with.
Why it helps
It keeps you from committing to too much
When we don’t prioritize our needs in our social calendar, it’s easy to overcommit.
But by stepping back and looking at the bigger picture of your availability and interests, you’re able to get the most out of social experiences without giving up too much of yourselves in the process.
It also helps create a more balanced life so you can be your best in all areas.
It helps you only do the things you want to do
Instead of burning through energy on activities and environments you don’t like, you’ll be freely giving your energy to activities you enjoy.
This will help you go farther with the energy you have and get the most of the social experiences you decide to participate in.
It will also free you from feeling obligated to a person or activity, which can also help you protect and preserve your energy.
It protects your recharge time
We’ve talked about the importance of creating downtime a couple of times in this series, but the techniques in this post can help you protect any downtime you create for yourself.
By being clear about when you’re free, what you’re willing to do, and modifying suggested plans when they don’t work for you, you’re ensuring you get the recharge time you need and get the most out of the energy you have stored up.
This will ultimately lead to a happier, balanced you!
Looking for more tips on how to manage your introverted life?
If you’re liking this series and are looking for more, check out the Introvert Life Guide, which gives you an even more in-depth look at each of the areas we cover in these emails.
This guide was designed to help you build the introvert life of your dreams. And it’s full of plenty of tips, tricks, and ideas to help you create an introvert life that’s uniquely yours!
It will also help you embrace your introverted nature and build a life to help you thrive!
For more introvert life tips, check out the other introvert posts!
Sound off: How do you take control of your social life as an introvert? Tell us about it in the comments!