I don’t know about you, but growing up, I was always told that it’s a bad thing to be rude. And to some extent I agree. I think the world is an overall better place for everyone when we are kind to one another.
However, I also believe that there are a handful of situations where rudeness is absolutely appropriate.
Because as much as I believe in being polite and kind, I also believe in sticking up for yourself (or others) when the situation calls for it.
Now, before we dive in, I just want to mention that the point of a post like this isn’t to say we should all be assholes looking for a fight at every perceived slight. If you have a reason to give someone the benefit of the doubt, by all means give it. Like I mentioned in this post, you’ll be happier for it.
The point of this post is to highlight areas where it’s okay to stand up for ourselves and pushback, even if that means acting in a way that is more traditionally characterized as “rude.”
Being rude in the right situation can even be considered a self-development tool to add to your toolbox.
So with that in mind, here are instances where I say it’s absolutely okay to be rude.
When you aren’t being listened to
There are few things more frustrating than when you have something important to say and no one is listening to you.
For example, if you’re getting your hair cut, and your stylist isn’t listening to want you want. It’s okay to push back and ask questions about what she/he is doing.
It might be polite to let them do their job, but it’s your hair. If you have concerns, ask questions. And if you don’t feel like you’re being heard, keep pushing back. It’s okay to say, “I need you to listen to me.”
Now, in the beginning, this isn’t really being rude. It’s your hair and you’re paying for the cut. This is true any time you deal with a service oriented situation.
However, the less the service provider listens to you, the more assertive you’ll likely have to be. And if it crosses the threshold of politeness, you may, in fact, have to be a little bit rude.
This can also be true for other life or work conversations. There are times when you have to advocate for yourself and when you’re continually ignored, advocating for yourself can turn into fighting for yourself, which isn’t usually polite. But if you won’t fight for yourself, no one else will.
At the end of the day, it’s your life, and your money. And if you have to be a little rude to get the attention of the person you’re talking to, then so be it.
When you aren’t being respected
Similarly, there’s nothing wrong with asserting yourself if your wants and needs aren’t being respected.
Just like with when you aren’t being listened to, this is an instance where you might start with asserting yourself and find the situation has escalated to fighting for yourself if you’re not given the respect you deserve in a given situation.
If you find yourself engaging with someone who has repeatedly disrespected you, you may have engage in behavior that is typically characterized as “rude” to protect yourself.
For instance, one of my biggest pet peeves is people who don’t respect my “no.” If I tell someone I can’t or won’t do something, I have no interest in debating or explaining why. I believe my time and energy is mine to use as I see fit. If I’m saying I can’t or don’t want to do something, I expect that to be respected.
If I find myself with someone who continually wants to talk me into doing the thing I’ve already (repeatedly) said no to, I will stop responding to that person’s texts and calls. I don’t care if it’s rude.
I can appreciate and be grateful to be wanted, but I’ve given my answer.
You can apply this philosophy to anytime your wants and needs aren’t being respected. If you’ve told someone you’re with that you’re hungry and need to eat, but they aren’t seeing this as an urgent situation, then go eat without them!
It’s not polite, but neither is ignoring your request for food.
When very obvious cues are being ignored
There are some very obvious social and verbal cues that go on in a conversation and in everyday life.
Now sure, there may be times when some people are a little out of touch and just don’t know better. But by and large, there are a wide range of social cues that are commonly known and accepted.
If your social cues are being picked up on, it’s okay to be rude. If you’re not, you may very well find yourself in a conversation or situation that you don’t want to be in.
For example, if I’m working in a cafe with my headphones on and I can hear someone trying to talk to me, I ignore them. If they wave their hand in front of my face to get my attention, I’ll likely unplug long enough to hear what they want.
Sometimes it’s important. But if it’s not important, I’ll address them succinctly, then plug my headphone right back in and get back to work.
I don’t care if it’s rude.
Headphones in is a very clear Do Not Disturb sign, and I was very obviously working.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to give your time and energy to someone just because they’ve decided to try and take it from you.
The same can also be said when someone asks you for a favor you can’t or don’t want to do. You aren’t obligated to say yes just because they asked.
By all means, try to let them down gently by saying something like, “Unfortunately, that’s just not going to work out.” But if they’re not taking that response, it’s okay to shut that down with a much more pointed comment, even if it’s rude.
Because the reality is, it’s rude of them to think they’re entitled your time or attention.
When your boundaries are being crossed
This is when I personally, can really be rude.
I tend to be upfront and direct about my boundaries and expectations. So when these boundaries are forcefully crossed, it’s pretty clear that what I want and want I need are not being valued or respected by the boundary crosser.
In those situations, I have no probably ratcheting up the rude.
But to be fair, like I mentioned, I’m typically very upfront about my boundaries. If there’s reason to believe an offender may not know they’ve crossed a line, then maybe start by making your boundaries and the issue clear the first time around, then respond accordingly to any future offense.
Like I said at the beginning of the post, the point of all of this isn’t to invite conflict into your life, so if you can give someone the benefit of the doubt, do it.
But if you can say with a fair amount of certainty, the offender should have known better, you shouldn’t be expected to be polite in your response to the situation.
If you are, it sends a message that your boundaries are mere suggestions, which means they’re likely to be crossed again. That’s no way to live—you’re worth so much more.
When a person is being rude or hurtful to you or someone else
And lastly, if someone is being incredibly rude or hurtful it is always okay to be rude in response.
This includes any words or behavior that are in anyway racist, misogynistic, or anything that is similarly hurtful or discriminatory.
It’s usually best to deescalate the situation if possible, but sometimes, that simply isn’t an option.
I don’t think this is an area that needs much more of an explanation.
Sound off: Have you ever been in a situation where rudeness is justified? Is there any other instance that calls for a little rudeness? Tell us about it below!